Gains and Losses
by Ryan Lohner
Summary: Virtual third season episode three. Mrs. Polonski's alcoholism reaches new depths. Will it help bring Grace and Luke back together? Finished
1. Chapter 1

To Aaron: Yep, I goofed and completely forgot that Luke already knew. At this point I'm way too far into that storyline to fix it, so I guess you can consider this season AU and he never found out. About CGG not being at the shelter, I did know that but reasoned that we didn't see nearly all of the time Joan spent there, so they could have had a few non-plot related discussions there that we didn't see.

Aaaaaaaaaaaa

Kevin and Lilly sat at a table in their favorite restaurant, waiting for their food. Suddenly Kevin said, "So how are things going with my mother?" Lilly was clearly shaken and said, "Kind of a weird thing to talk about on a date, don't you think?" "Well, the service is obviously a little slow tonight, we've got plenty of time."

Lilly sighed. "She actually asked me not to talk about it. It's taken kind of an unusual turn, that's all I can say." Kevin chuckled. "Seeing how much of a problem she had with us going out, I can believe that." Lilly turned more serious. "You know, you could give Helen some slack. She's got a lot on her mind now." "Hey, we all do. My dad's in a coma, after all." "It's not just that, and it's not us either." Lilly caught herself just in time. "I'm sorry, I can't say anything more about it. I don't want to lose your mother's trust."

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaa

When they arrived home, Helen asked Lilly, "Can I talk to you alone for a minute?" Kevin obligingly went upstairs as they sat down in the living room. "So what's up?" Lilly said. Helen replied, "Have you seen that boy you told me about? I'd like to talk to him." "A couple times. I've tried going up to him but he keeps disappearing by the time I get there."

Helen cut to the chase. "So, do you think he's God?" Lilly shrugged. "Could be, anything's possible. You know, he wasn't the only person Joan talked to that I hadn't seen around before. There was this old homeless man that she seemed pretty preoccupied with, too. She kept chatting with him about something, I don't know what, but she seemed pretty agitated."

"So that's all you know?" Helen asked. "Yes, but I'll try to find out more." Helen thanked Lilly and she left. The meeting had raised more questions than answers, but she still felt like she was making progress.


	2. Chapter 2

"Hey, Joan!" Joan looked across the cafeteria to see Glynis waving at her. She signaled for Glynis to join her. As soon as she sat down she started talking again. "It's been a while. So what's been going on?" Instantly a look of regret came over her face. "Oh my god, I'm sorry. I heard about your father, I shouldn't have said that. How are you holding up?" Joan said, "There's still hope, and as long as that's true I'm not giving up."

"Oh look, there's Adam," Glynis said. Surprised when he didn't sit with them, she went on, "I though you two were still okay. What's going on?" "I don't know, lately he's just been kind of distant, like he'd prefer if I just stayed away from him." Glynis looked confused. "Something must have happened; you were on pretty good terms with him last time I saw you." Joan shrugged. "The best I can figure is it has something to do with Ryan." "The guy on the school board?" "Yeah."

Glynis didn't look any more mollified. "What does he have do to with you and Adam?" For a few seconds Joan thought about just what she should say. Then, "Please don't ask why, but I don't trust Ryan. He gave Adam this great internship, and everyone else in my family seems to think he's a great guy. But I don't. I can't help thinking he's not doing this out of the good of his heart; there's something else that he's planning."

"Huh," Glynis replied. "Okay, I won't ask, but I don't see it. By the way, do you know if he's available?" Joan didn't even try to contain her shock. "Did you just ask me what I thought you did?" "Yes. Well, do you?" Not seeing any other way out, Joan finally said, "No, I don't think so." Before either of them could say anything else, they were distracted by a shouting match between Adam and Bonnie, who had just walked up to him. It was difficult to make out much, but the fight ended with Bonnie walking away, saying "And don't worry about me. I've moved on. And on, and on, and on."

"Did you hear that?" Glynis said. "She stole my best line. Well, bye." Joan watched her walk away, wondering if she was about to lose another ally.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

"Mom, I'm home!" Grace said as she walked into the house. "In here, Grace," her mother's voice said from the kitchen. She noticed the all too familiar slur on the end of her name, and went into the room with trepidation.

"Hi, honey!" said Mrs. Polonski. Grace's eyes went to the bottle of wine next to her on the table, and something snapped inside her. "Why do you do this, mom? You're not just hurting yourself, you're hurting all of us. You know I've even been going to Alateen meetings because of you?" Ignoring her mother's shocked expression, she went on. "I hate it when you're like this. Do you realize how many friendships you've cost me? I can't say I blame them. Who wants to spend any time in a place where someone's regularly soused?"

Mrs. Polonski stood up, and said, "Now Grace," but stumbled and fell, hitting her head on the table. Instantly Grace's anger left, and she did something else all too familiar; calling for an ambulance.


	3. Chapter 3

Luke sat beside his father, saying nothing until he could think of something meaningful to say. He'd lost track of time, but was determined to give a purpose to the visit, one just like he believed everything in the world had. Then, he thought of something. "I've always harbored a bit of resentment towards you, because I wanted attention I didn't get. That all seems so pointless now. I promise, when you do wake up I'll never take you for granted like that again."

He left, and Helen stood up to take him home, having already had her visit. As they went through the waiting room, Luke was surprised to see Grace and her father. Despite their recent problems, he felt compelled to go over to her. "What are you doing here?" he asked. With no detectable emotion in her voice, Grace said, "My mother passed out again. I've done this before, I know how to handle it."

Helen said, "What do you mean, passed out?" Grace sighed and said, "Go ahead Luke, tell her." Luke turned to his mother and said, "Grace's mother is an alcoholic. I've known for a year, but she didn't want me telling anyone else." Helen was clearly shocked. "But why wouldn't you want people to know? We could help you, and her." Mr. Polonski spoke for the first time, clearly coming out of some heavy emotional state. "I wanted to let other people know but Grace didn't, and I've respected her wishes. But when something like this happens, it's hard."

"We should tell Joan," said Helen. Luke turned to Grace and asked, "Is that okay with you?", not quite managing to keep a hint of accusation out of his voice. Grace threw her hands up. "Fine, she knows anyway." "Well, we'll be sure to check in," Helen said, and they left.

What was that about back there?" Helen asked as they got in the car. Luke realized she didn't know, and said, "Grace knew about Adam cheating on Joan but she didn't tell her." Helen didn't respond for a while but then said, "Well, that's…understandable that you'd act that way then. I'm sure she had her reasons, but it's sure hard to get past something like that."

"Reasons?" Luke shouted. "I heard that from Joan, too. Well, to me it was just the wrong thing to do." Helen replied, "Honey, I'm not saying it was right. It's just that we've all known Grace so long, and do you really think that's the kind of thing she'd do without any reason?" "No," Luke reluctantly said. Helen continued, "And seeing what she's going through now, you could show a little compassion."

Luke said, "I do feel compassion, no one should have to go through something like that. But I just can't stop thinking about it." "Try. You had something really good with her, and it would be a shame to lose that." Luke said nothing, silently contemplating all that he had been told.


	4. Chapter 4

At dinner, the Girardi family was still making an effort to avoid thinking too much about the empty seat at the table. Kevin started the conversation with, "Lilly and I are talking about me getting my own place again." Helen looked up and said, "You know how I feel about that." Kevin replied, "Well, seeing as you're taking time off I'm going to be the breadwinner in the family for a while, so I think you could cut me a little break there."

Helen gave him a hard stare. "Kevin, I realize you're becoming an adult, and you're going to move out sooner or later. Don't think I can't empathize with your situation. I just wish you could consider my feelings a little more before you do it." He came back with, "Well, that's what I'm doing now. If you still feel the same way, I'll hold off on it." Helen quickly deflated. "Oh. Well…thank you."

Joan and Luke could only glance at each other helplessly as things got more uncomfortable. Kevin went on, "Well, how do you feel?" Helen replied, "Lilly and I have been having some interesting conversations lately. Please don't ask me how, but our sessions have gone somewhere I don't quite understand and with everything else going on, your moving out would really be just another weight on my mind at this point." Kevin hesitated, finally saying, "All right. If that's the way you feel, I'll hold off a little more. See? That wasn't so hard."

Helen turned to the other two. "So what's going on with you?" she asked. Joan said, "I'm having some problems in calculus, other than that I'm pretty much okay." Helen replied, "Luke, why don't you help her with that?" Luke rubbed his forehead. "Believe me, I've tried." "It's true, he has," Joan said. "It's like my brain just rebels whenever someone tries to make me understand it."

Helen sighed. "I remember feeling that way about it too. Sorry, I guess there's something genetic there." Joan noted that the dinner had been remarkably histrionic free considering all the things going on. Then the phone rang, and Helen picked up, announcing it was for Luke. After a few seconds he looked shocked, and said, "Oh my god!" Now there was the kind of thing she expected.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaa

Five minutes earlier…

Grace ate her dinner emotionlessly, something that still confounded her father. He couldn't understand how she could act so cavalierly about her mother being in the hospital. In fact, it had become almost a routine and Grace always assumed that things would turn out the same, because they always had.

The phone rang, and her father answered. Then he exploded with emotion, collapsing against the wall with tears streaming down his face. Now Grace was surprised. She knew what had happened, but it still seemed to be happening to someone else. She knew one thing, though. She had to call Luke.


	5. Chapter 5

Luke and Grace met in the school hallway. Luke started off: "I don't know what to say, I can only say just how sorry I really am." Grace said, "You don't need to do this," and turned away. Luke headed after her, and said, "But I want to. You've gone through so much alone, and I want to be there for you this time."

Grace sighed and stopped walking. "For as long as I can remember, she was the way she was. I hated her for it. That was the last thing I said to her. Some people would think that makes me a horrible person." "Well, it doesn't," said Luke. "You couldn't have known what would happen." Grace looked into his eyes. "I just kept thinking it would end the way it always did before."

Almost without realizing it, Luke put his hand on her shoulder. Grace didn't show any reaction to it. He said, "You know, I just can't help thinking, what if it happens to my dad, too? What if I never get a chance to talk to him again? I can't even remember the last thing I said to him, but I'm pretty sure it wasn't anything profound."

Grace turned to him again. "Well, aren't we a fine pair of misfits?" she said, then gave a little chuckle. "Sorry, my Katherine Hepburn impression sucks. Suddenly she started crying, not caring at all about the looks it drew. Luke just held her closer, saying, "I'm here for you. I promise."

Aaaaaaaaaaaa

Joan watched, not too surprised when Custodian God appeared beside her. Joan said, "So now they can get back together, and I'll have one more ally against Ryan. Is that why Grace's mother had to die?" God replied with a head shake and, "Everyone makes their own choices. Mrs. Polonski made what a lot of people would consider bad ones, just like Judith, and just like Ryan."

Joan looked straight at God, tears beginning to form. "You're saying Ryan's going to end up dying a tragic death from his mistakes, then?" God said, "It hasn't happened yet. Nothing in the future is set in stone. Lots of people have turned their lives around, and I always feel like cheering when it happens. That ability's right up there with free will as one of my proudest creations."

Joan still wasn't moved. "So why couldn't she do it, then?" "Well, sometimes people just lack the willpower. That's all it can really be, you always have the means if you try hard enough." She moved away with a wave. Joan kept watching, as Luke and Grace shared a quick kiss before going their separate ways. Despite the sad event that triggered that kiss, she found herself smiling.

Aaaaaaaaaaaa

Further down the hall, Helen watched in confusion at Joan's conversation with the custodian. She had often seen the woman around the building, so it didn't seem likely she was God. But then, she had learned she had to keep her mind open if she was going to figure anything out.


End file.
